Becoming a mother is a journey full of surprises, sleepless nights, and unexpected moments of joy—and every mom experiences it differently. Today, we’re chatting with Summer Shongwe, a new mother who’s navigating the early days of motherhood with honesty, humor, and a lot of heart. From the first overwhelming weeks to the little victories that make it all worthwhile, she’s sharing what it really feels like to embrace this new chapter of life.
Grab your coffee (or your third cup of the day) and join us as we dive into the highs, the lows, and everything in between.
Emotions & Inner Experience
What was the first emotion you felt when you knew you were going to be a mother?
I was scared. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Beyond my life plans not being where I wanted them to be, I just wasn’t personally ready to give up my freedom for a little human. I also worry about whether I’d do it right.
How has your emotional world shifted since becoming a mother?
It’s wild because half the time, I’m thinking about her instead of me. I’m constantly wondering what she needs and how to show up for her in the way I wish someone would show up for me.
Are there moments you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself?
Yes. I’ve been grieving the part of me that’s gone forever. I’m learning and readjusting to my new normal.
When do you feel most connected to your baby?
When we feed. We lock eyes, I brush her hair, smile at her, and she gently smiles back.
What fears do you carry about motherhood?
I constantly ask myself, “Am I doing this right?” I worry that I’m spoiling her by holding her every time she cries, or that I’m missing a window to teach her something. I just want to give her the best life I can ,one better than mine.
What moments make you feel proud of yourself as a mother?
The small wins: when she burps 😅, when she poops effortlessly, when she naps long in the afternoon, when she sleeps through the night, when she laughs during bath time, and those long hugs she gives me now.
How do you handle feelings of guilt or inadequacy?
I remind myself that we’re both doing the best we can learning each other and figuring out this life together. And that next time, I’ll do better.
Identity & Self-Reflection
Who are you now compared to before motherhood?
Oh my word, my life did a complete 360. I used to be so busy running, serving at church, organising events, all of that had to pause so I could care for my baby. It’s been hard because I miss my freedom, but I know I’ll return to those things soon.
What parts of your old self do you miss the most?
The freedom to just do what I want. Now I have to plan everything even leaving the house requires arranging care with my mom, who’s the primary babysitter.
How has becoming a mother changed your dreams or ambitions?
I feel more inspired to achieve my dreams because now I have someone who will one day look at me and think, “If my mom can, so can I.” For now, those dreams are on pause until she’s older.
How do you define yourself outside of being a mother?
I’m a lover of life and fitness — I chose to be a runner.
How do you reconcile your identity with societal expectations of mothers?
Honestly, it’s hard. Everyone who’s been here before has something to say about what worked for them. Me and my baby are figuring out what works for us. I’ve learned to tune out the noise and trust my God-given motherly instinct.
Relationships & Connection
How has motherhood affected your relationship with your partner?
In the beginning, we argued a lot about parenting and struggled to find our spark outside the baby, since everything became about her. But we’re slowly finding that spark again.
How have your friendships changed since having a child?
I’m hardly on my phone not intentionally and I often respond to messages days later. I also can’t attend many gatherings because my baby is still small and can’t handle crowds.
My priorities have shifted a lot.
What kind of support do you crave most from others?
My family has been amazing they help with the baby as much as they can, so I’m truly covered on that end.
Are there relationships that have strengthened or weakened since becoming a mother?
Definitely. My romantic and family relationships have strengthened, while some friendships have weakened. I barely have time to enjoy a hot meal, let alone pour into friendships to revive them at the moment.
How do you navigate advice or judgment from others?
I’m in my quiet girl era ,I’ve learned to just nod and say “thank you,” knowing full well I won’t apply the advice. It’s better not to argue.
Challenges & Growth
What has been the hardest lesson you’ve learned as a mother?
Pregnancy is hard. At 35, I still felt completely unprepared and to be honest, I don’t think there’s anything that could have prepared me.
When do you feel overwhelmed or emotionally drained?
When I’m constantly needed. I miss her when I’m not with her, but being available to someone 24/7 is hard.
How has motherhood challenged your patience or resilience?
My patience is tested every single day. Even when I’m overstimulated and overwhelmed, I take a breath and get back to it ,that’s resilience.
What strengths have you discovered in yourself?
No matter how tired I am, one little cry in the middle of the night and I’m up in an instant. Started to feel like I’ve got superpowers 😅
How do you cope with moments of loneliness or isolation?
I used to cry a lot. I think I was grieving my old self and sometimes feeling jealous watching my partner move forward unshaken. But I’ve also used this time to deepen my relationship with God.
Hopes & Dreams
What kind of mother do you aspire to be?
The kind my child knows she can always count on that no matter what, Mom is here and she loves me.
What values or lessons do you hope to pass on to your child?
God, God, and God because there is no greater love. I want to teach her to pray and cultivate her relationship with God.
How do you hope motherhood will shape your personal growth?
It’s already pushing me to face the parts of myself I don’t want my daughter to see or learn from. She inspires me to be better.
What do you want to remember about this stage of life in the future?
All our firsts ,her smile, her first giggles, her tight hugs, her kisses, our co-sleeping. I love my baby girl so very much.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood is a journey unlike any other—full of surprises, challenges, and moments that take your breath away. Hearing Summer’s story reminds us that while no two experiences are the same, the highs, the struggles, and the small everyday victories are what make this chapter so meaningful. Whether you’re a new mom yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply curious about the realities of early motherhood, there’s something in her story that will resonate. Here’s to embracing the messy, beautiful, and unforgettable adventure of being a mom—one day, one moment, one tiny milestone at a time.
In dedication to my beautiful daughter, Thandolwethu—whose name so perfectly embodies its meaning: Our love. 🥰
Summer Shongwe
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